I don't know if you read Robert B. Parker's, Spenser, novels. I USED to but got terribly bored with Spenser and Susan going on and on about their undying love for each other (Parker, it's time to lose Susan and Pearl the wonder dog for good!) Spenser still had a bit of mouth with the ´bad´ guys but he wasn´t into working ´em over any more. His buddy and muscle, Hawk, ended up just standing around. To what point I don´t know, other than you can't have a Spenser story without Hawk. As Spenser turned into a wuss, Parker started a new series, Jesse Stone, a screwed up ex-LA cop, now chief-of-police in Paradise, MA. Stone just never rang true for me. I'd imagine most fans are waiting for the inevitable meeting of Spenser and Stone (I was hoping they'd beat each other to death!) Wait no more. Unbeknown to Robert B. the meeting took place.Read of the momentous occasion. Warning, there is a bit of non-parlor room language in it.
==================
The long anticipated meeting had finally taken place. Spenser and Jesse Stone met for the first time. Was it a fight to find out who the toughest man in Massachusetts was? No, it was a therapy session for the two of them to express their undying love for their significant others. Stone was sipping an orange juice and soda while Spenser downed an Amstel Light (he can't handle real beer anymore.)
¨You know Spenser, I love Jane, ah err Joan, no that's not right. Let me think, oh yeah Jenn. Gad, I'm boppin' so many broads I can't keep them straight. Don't get me wrong I love Jules, I mean Jenn more than any woman in the world, it's just that I want to bop every woman in the world, but that doesn't change the undying bond we have between us.¨
¨I hear you Jesse. You know, you keep working at it, you´ll be almost as in love as Susan and me. I´m not bopping anyone anymore. Hell, Susan and I don't even have to bop. I just fix us a gourmet meal, put the candles on the table and we enthrall our readers with our quick wit and intense love. You know, if you were as sensitive as I am now, you wouldn´t have had to sucker punch the drunk you had in your jail or shoot that other poor bastard in the head. No, I don´t have to rough up any bad guys anymore. With the aura of commitment that radiates from me, the scum run with just a few smart ass remarks from me. Yeah, it helps to have m´buddy Hawk stand behind me, but you know this love thing is so great, that´s about all he has to do anymore is just stand around.¨
¨Gee Spense, I fucked up my baseball career and my career as a cop in LA, maybe if we get together more often I´ll become more like you and I won't fuck up in Paradise.¨
¨Most likely, since Parker can't write anything but that kinda crap anymore. Hold on, did you hear something? I wish Hawk was around.¨
¨Nah, I didn't hear anything. I think it was just me squirming in my chair. This orange juice goes through me quicker'n alcohol ever did.¨
Spenser accepted Jesse's explanation and went on spewing his profound insights on how he loves his woman and how to make great spaghetti sauce so wasn't paying attention to the sound of handguns being cocked.
¨Ya know Hawk, we gotta do dis thing. Us bein' such principled men, and since Parker is outta control, we owe it to da readin' public.¨ The big black man, adjusted his shades, twitched his upper lip, and replied. ¨I'll take Stone, you take Spensa.¨ ¨Right.¨ was the only response from Vinnie.
The next day, on the back page of the Boston Globe, a brief article read as follows, ¨Boston private dick and small town police chief gunned down. Spenser-for-Hire and Jess 5-for-5 Stone were found shot to death yesterday. Both were killed by a single shot to the head. Police say it appears to be a professional hit, but since no one really cares, no further investigation is planned.¨
Larry Dawson, © 2004
No comments:
Post a Comment